Chip (still) in the hospital...

Everyone- below is a note that Chip sent to some friends/family yesterday. After chatting with him, he asked me to post it to the blog. Enjoy.

Update after drafting the below: This is simply my point of view.  It’s not meant to offend or judge anyone.  On the contrary it’s meant to uplift and provide encouragement and hope.  It started off as me being moved to write an email and turned into almost a manifesto or something like that.  I also wrote this late last night as it was weighing on my heart.  If you find it uplifting but have questions, please, let’s talk about it.  I love this stuff.  I already previewed with Rebecca and my parents and a few questions already came up.  I just didn’t want to write any more of a novel than I already did or I would have gone into more detail.  Enjoy! (I hope)

Dear Friends/Family/Loved Ones/Anyone else somehow affected by me being in my current condition,

I have been hearing quite a lot this week about people asking each other, “How’s Chip feeling?” or “What’s gonna happen with ____?” or “How is he coping with ____???” or various other questions that are hard to answer.  This email is my small attempt to answer those questions and also provide some deeper insight into my way of thinking, in general.  If you find this worthwhile, great.  If not, then hopefully no harm done!  

First of all, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to all of you.  You have each touched me in some way, whether it be sending flowers, cards, emails, texts (they found my phone today - slightly more cracked than it already was), hugs, visits, etc.  You are all awesome and one huge benefit of this is seeing how people are coming together.  I sense that we should somehow harness this energy being created and use it somehow, but that’s for later.  

Today I realized that each of you is going through your own style of coping with this.  I’m not sure why it didn’t really hit me as hard earlier in the week.  But in truth, we need each other.  For many of you, you need help with aspects of this the same way I need your love and support.  In many ways yours might be more complicated, since my pains are visible to everyone.  Please just think about how that might pertain to you and know I’m here for you.  I’ll be more accessible once I’m in rehab. 

How’s Chip feeling?  Well, every day is different.  After surgery I was ready to eat actual food, do work, and basically hit the ground running.  It was strange and shocking people and it faded the next day quite a bit.  Since then I’ve basically been managing pain and stuff that happens when you’re in surgery for 5 hours and trying to grasp how these changes might affect my life.  Today I was able to eat what they call “full liquid” meals, which is basically cream of whatever soups and pudding.  That was a huge step.  But this is all physiological.  In the scheme of things it’s not that important and it will all get better to some end that I can’t predict at this point.

I may end up in a wheelchair for life.  I may all of a sudden be able to walk again.  I may have a long, tedious, physical therapy that lasts for years and results in me being in either a wheelchair or walking or running an ultramarathon.  I really have no idea and I’ve decided that while it does affect how I go about doing things, it won’t affect how I live my life.  Let me explain.

People keep talking to me about “choices that need to be made” and how “this changes everything.” Or they’ll tell me some story of someone that was in a worse situation and is now an olympic skiier or something.  These are all good things in their own regard, but for me the drivers and motivators are much deeper than that.  

In my mind, there is only one choice: Will this really change how I want to live my life?  No, it won’t.  I still want to do a million things.  I still want to travel.  I still want to create a workplace that is truly unique and makes people proud to be there, while also providing a need to the community.  I still want to compete in athletic events - I just might be in a wheelchair, not sure.  Etc. Etc. Etc.  I still want all that.

I refuse to let this change who I am at my core.  Two main reasons why:

• I’m just not built that way.  Call it the way I was raised, my DNA, whatever.  It’s just not my style to roll over and die.  


• I derive my strength from the belief that God wants me to do things for Him.  I strongly believe that this happened for a reason.  I decided quite a while ago that God could use me how He saw fit to do His will.  Over the years this belief has deepened.  

For those interested, let me dive into the God stuff. 

We are all born with a certain set of DNA that we had no involvement in creating.  At best our parents had a very small role in it, but don’t forget they didn’t choose theirs, either.  You can argue that science will be able to determine those things for us at some point, but based on what?  It’s still using the core ingredients that God gave us.  So there’s that.  The “nature” side of things, as people like to say.

Then there’s how we were raised.  Not just that, but literally every single experience you had in your life, ever.  This is the part that really matters as much as your DNA.  How your parents raised you might account for a large chunk of this.  Then there’s the rest of your family, your friends, your schooling, etc.  That’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Every single “impression” you have had in your life has somehow influenced you, whether you like it or not.  There are 1000 a day if you pay attention.  More than that.  Fact. This is the “nurture” side of things.  The big thing to realize here is just how much YOU influence others.  Everything you say or do somehow impacts someone else.  It’s up to us if that impact is positive or negative. I try to get the PJs managers thinking this way so it trickles down to employees, but it’s not always easy.  

So what do these two huge deductions lead us to understand?  In my opinion, it is that we are in control of very, very little.  Each time we feel a loss of control or loss of power, it is comparatively ridiculous considering how little we had to begin with.  Even if you choose your schooling, your profession, your significant other, what you eat for a given meal, your friends, etc, the amount of things out of your control are so incredibly overwhelming that the idea of “being in control” is ludicrous.  I have always kind of thought this but it’s crystal clear given my current state.  I realize you might say this clashes with what I just said about impacting each person, but it doesn’t.  Those things matter very much, even if they are very little pieces of our lives. I’d be happy to talk more about it with you if you want.

Not much God stuff, you say?  I disagree.  I believe God loves each of us dearly and realizes more than anyone how little control we really have, because if we aren’t in control, then who is?  He is!  God is in control!  But he loves us so much that he cedes the control right back to us.  In my personal opinion, we have free will and our relationship with God is the strongest partnership possible.  He wanted us to love Him on our own accord, so he was forced to give us free will.  He knew we’d muck it up plenty.  But does a parent always hold the child’s hand, or do they let them walk on their own?  They do it out of love so they can grow.  

So if God has all the power but wants to give us the control, how does that make any sense?  What good is it to have billions of people with the same amount of control?  Do we carve out more and more for ourselves?  A lot of people do this.  But if you ask them, they couldn’t have done it without luck.  Luck.  I do believe in luck, too.  I don’t think God has his hand in whether or not I win a round of golf, necessarily.  There are things that don’t really matter to Him.  All of which is man-made, I’ll add.  These people went from maybe controlling .000000001% of the world to controlling .0000001%.  There are obviously a handful of huge power players out there, but even they can’t change the world without enlisting everyone else.  I think about my business and its growth and in frustration with landlords, I contemplate how much it would cost to buy up one city block in Chicago.  Just one block.  A tiny speck on the planet.  It would take me a lifetime to be able to accomplish that, if not longer.

There’s only one logical move when billions of people are born with equal ability to influence each other if there is to be any hope of large achievement (in my mind) in life, and that is to concede the control back to God.  I consider my relationship with God a partnership.  He’s the one with all the power and He gives me access to that power if I’m shooting for things he wants.  This allows me access to His power so I can REALLY get some stuff done, along with the confidence to do it!  In return he gets both my love, which he wants badly, and also moves towards His goals.  If I am working FOR God instead of for myself or for humanity or anything else “earthly”, the possibilities multiply exponentially.  If I say, “God, I’m going to do this, but only if it helps you achieve your goals,” then all of a sudden the guy backing me is the guy with all the power!  I choose to be a vessel for God’s work rather than try and formulate my own idealisms and shoot for those.  Without God we are spinning our wheels and moving nowhere.  

Conclusion: 

Because of that, I am still very confident in my current situation.  Does it hurt? Yes.  Does it pretty much suck and make me spend time changing plans and whatnot? Yes, of course.  But they are going to have to crush both my brain and my heart for me to stop.  As long as both my brain and my heart are functioning well, I believe I can help God achieve His goals.  Still having both heart and head in full function tells me God’s not done with me, yet.  Legs are a luxury.  I’ll be just fine.  I obviously hope I can use them again but I’m also glad I didn’t totally waste them while I had them.  

Okay so recap:

1. We aren’t in control


2. God is, but gives it right back to us


3. If we, in turn, partner with God, we can achieve anything

Please don’t consider this a sermon.  I am letting you know where my strength comes from.  Take it as you will.  I love you all.  And again, if you have questions or even if you totally disagree, let’s talk about it.  I love this stuff, even arguing about it.

Thanks again for all the support and see you soon!