58

Each floor of stairs in my building is 14 stairs, split into sets of 7 with a landing halfway up.  A few weeks ago I did 40 stairs with much difficulty at RIC.  This time I did 58 stairs with equal difficulty.  It’s a long cry from the 2,109 needed to climb the Sears Tower, but it’s improvement.  

That was just about an hour ago.  My day started off on the opposite end of the spectrum.

I went to bed and woke up feeling miserable.  The last few days I felt extremely down about life in general.  I lost focus and lost faith.  Those are probably the two biggest parts of my life so it was a real problem.  It simply seemed like nothing was going right and no matter which way I turned, there were more problems.  I try to look at problems as challenges, but the last few days I just felt like there was a ton of bricks continuing to pile up on me.  

As miserable as I was, I knew I had to go to church this morning.  With our crazy schedules, Rebecca and I hadn’t been since going in Kentucky.  It was definitely needed.  As much as I wanted to just sleep in and wallow in my grief, I got up (slowly) and we headed to church, arriving a good 20 minutes late.  

There wasn’t much scripture today.  Jackson read from Jeremiah 29 about how it is our responsibility to do good in the city.  In Chicago.  I strongly believe in that and it really struck home, especially with my business.  I didn’t just open the business to make money.  One reason I love Rebecca is because we agree that the most important thing we can do in life is positively impact the world - following God’s will - as much as we possibly can.  

But it has’t been so easy to do that with the business.  There is corruption everywhere.  Everyone is scheming.  I know I should think, “Well all the more need for something positive!” But it has been overwhelming.  That combined with the struggles of my injury, combined with the other ramifications of my injury (financial, emotional, etc.)… it is just a lot to swallow.  

The church service was, as usual, what I needed to realign myself.  But it wasn’t quite enough.  Luckily, Rebecca was there to remind me that I usually don’t think this way and that I’m always talking about all the positives in life, even with my injury, and how blessed we truly are compared to the majority of the world.  And she’s right.  It feels weak to wallow in grief like that.  Like anyone else, I hate feeling weak.  And you feel weak an awful lot in a wheelchair.  

I am finishing up the book by Metaxas about Bonhoeffer.  It’s absolutely incredible.  If you don’t mind a bit of history and density in reading, I highly, highly, recommend it.  He was a saint, basically.  I’ve never heard of anyone more consistent or true in their faith.  So if trying to be like Jesus seems completely impossible (since it is), trying to be like Bonhoeffer is another option that is a good goal I doubt I will ever attain.  

Dear God, please help me.  I am weak.  I need healing of not just my body but of my soul and mind.  Please fill my thoughts with faith and hope so that I can follow your will and positively impact the world in big ways, as I believe You do want me to do!  Make me as strong in stature and faith as David and as wise as Solomon.  Make me as kind and patient as Bonhoeffer.  Help me see the way, dear Lord.  I am lost without You.  I am nothing without You.  Everything good in me is because of you.  Give me the strength to get through today and tomorrow.  In Jesus’ name, amen.

As Mother Teresa said, 

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”

G’night!
Chip